Sunday, June 7, 2009

What to do?

The blogging drought has been directly tied to our feelings of sadness lately regarding our adoption. As I mentioned before, we are attempting to adopt a child that we know from Ethiopia. A precious child. A 2.5 year old little girl with a personality to rival all personalities. Loud, bossy (even for a two year old), full of life and curiosity, active and everything we could ever hope for all wrapped into a bundle of total and complete cuteness. I work with really cute kids in my job and am frequently accused of saying that so and so is the "cutest kid in the whole world..." Y really IS the cutest kid in the whole world. And her sing-song voice screaming phrases in Amharic like "Me, Me Me," "I refuse" and "give me" makes her all the more appealing! She is all two year old and we are totally in love!

We started the adoption process at the end of August 2008 and really thought that because we would not be waiting for a referral, things would fly so quickly...and they really did. However, in January, we found out that she may not be adoptable. We really had a hard time accepting this news and kept getting mixed information between the orphanage and our agency. So, in April, I (and my lovely friend) went to visit for three glorious weeks. We played with her, learned more about that aforementioned amazing personality and feel deeper in love. The trip was super worthwhile. In addition to always loving the chance to visit Ethiopia, N and I really did get a clear idea of what her adoption situation is.

May was a hard month. Fresh from my trip to see her, she was real and alive in our hearts and minds in a way that was deeper than before. We watched her videos, stared at her picture and I even hear her voice in my head a lot...(do what you will with that information).

Several particularly hard things occurred in May that have lead us to believe that her adoption may not be possible for a long time, if ever:
1. The closure of adoption for abandoned children (pending further investigation) in Addis. She would be in the category.
2. Our agency contacted us to state that they have not had any luck getting the final necessary documents needed for her (and it appears that they will not be able to).

Baring a total and complete miracle (which we are really open to happening and hope, hope, hope that it will), we do not anticipate that Y will be able to join our family. Our hearts are really breaking.

What does this mean for us and adoption? We really don't know.
What does this mean for Y? That is maybe one of the hardest parts....she does not have family caring for her and she cannot be adopted. She will stay in the orphanage.
What will our interaction with Y be in the future? We will ALWAYS remain open to adopting her should she be adoptable. We are not sure what our interaction with her should be in the meantime. We want to protect her from greater hurt and feelings of loss and abandonment.

N will spend 5/6 weeks in Addis in July/Aug. We hope to learn more then, but do not anticipate that the outcome will change at this time.........That's all the news from here!

PS: We are ok. We are so sad, but hanging in there. Besides a few inappropriate comments that have spilled out of my mouth which I have realized are connected to my general frusteration with this process, we are not totally falling apart.


CB said...

Thinking of you-

~Rachel~ said...

Praying that God will open doors only He can open so that Y can become part of your family soon. ~R~

LoveNotes4CocoPrincess said...

Don't give up just yet. Your love for her is amazing as it is felt in your writing!

los cazadores said...

Rahel, so sorry for your frustrations and all that's happened.


Jonathan, Stacy, & Peter Peterson said...

Hoping and praying for a miracle for you!

bekah said...

Wow, I'm sorry for this heartbreak. I will pray for the miracle to happen! Blessings to you in this time.

Tam said...

:-( thinking of you and so very sad for you guys. but still keeping a glimmer of hope in my heart!

Anonymous said...

Wow. What a journey. My heart feels sad for you with this news.

Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. I'll check back here!

Amandacat said...

Just now reading this. I would definitely love to talk more soon. -Amanda