We are moving to ETHIOPIA!

Yup!

Uh huh! It's so for real, we can hardly believe it! We are really and truly moving to Ethiopia!

Back Story:
I first worked in Ethiopia in 2002 after completing undergrad. I worked in a refugee camp with Sudanese refugees. This was my first real exposure to Ethiopia directly, and certainly it was a period of time in my life that shaped me so much! My first experience in life of living alone was in Ethiopia! Crazy, huh? Nathan and I were dating at the time, and he came to visit me. After a day long bus ride that included chickens, goats, three people to a seat and death defying turns through the highlands, we finally made it to Addis. That evening he proposed (Feb 13, 2003---Because Valentines Day is soooo obvious).

I left Ethiopia in July 2003 and we got married in September 2003. Nathan started grad school soon after and I started my work at World Relief. We kept thinking that one day we would return to work in Ethiopia and always hoped that it would be sooner rather than later. We returned to Ethiopia in 2004 to check out a few projects in hopes that something would work out for us to return, but alas the timing was not meant to be.

Fast forward through Nate's whole grad school program and the first few years of mine, and we found ourselves again in Ethiopia during the summer of 2008 as I completed my field work for my Masters of Social Work. We had a wonderful summer, including meeting the child that would eventually become our daughter in Dec of 2009. Having Yitayal only strengthened our desire to return to Ethiopia one day to work for a longer period of time.

And we we searched for jobs. Nate interviewed in international schools, I talked with people in refugee work, but nothing really seemed to work out. I was offered a position in a remote place that wouldn't allow me to bring my family, and Nate was liked in many places but no positions were ever open at the right time. And so we tabled the idea and tried to move on.

Then, one day it all kinda came together. I can't really explain it better than that! An opportunity arose that would allow both Nathan and I to have fulfilling work all for the same organization. And so we had several interviews on Skype, flew to Philadelphia for a weekend long interview and were eventually offered positions to manage a children's home in Soddo, Ethiopia.

We plan to leave in July 2011---the next few months are going to be freaking insane! We are thrilled for so many reasons---a fulfillment of a long-time dream, working and living in Ethiopia, doing work that is professional fulfilling, and having the opportunity to get to know our daughters birth country in a more personal way. We will be working for an organization called Aerie Africa, and have come to really love the work they are doing.

We will work and live at a home for children (yes, some call homes like this "orphanages") and will provide management and oversight to the home and to the US based Board of Directors. As a social worker, I am primarily interested in the psychological adjustment and well being of the kids and really look forward to collaborating with the staff to ensure that we are doing the best job possible to provide a loving and supportive (albeit institutionalized) home for the kids.

So, that's the news, y'all! We are pumped! Maybe I'm just a little bit nervous. You know, packing all of those boxes, leaving my job, selling our stuff, etc. The next few months will be a total whirlwind of activity! If you are interested in providing any financial support, please check this out (including a rationale of why we need the support). Thanks for reading!

The force of family

(no clue who took this pic, so sorry for stealing it!)
Two weeks ago we drove to Atlanta to attend the memorial service for my Aunt Jeanette who battled cancer for 18 years. 18 years.

Two weeks before that I spoke with many of my cousins and siblings. The conversations went something like this:
"So, things don't look very good with Aunt Net, do they?"
"I think this really is the end."
"Do you think you will make it to Atlanta?"
"Probably not. I have school/work/family obligations and it is a 12 hour drive/$450 flight."

On Feb 11th we got the news that she had passed. On Feb 26th, 27 out of 33 family members gathered together to celebrate her life. (And the missing members had some darn good reasoning for missing, including pending surgery and overseas deployment). And what a celebration it was.

There really is something good and healing about crying together and laughing together with people who know you well. I grew up having very close relationships with my extended family, but distance has certainly made our times together limited. And we are all very different now. (Let's not begin to talk about politics or how we practice our faith. Things could get messy).

But as we shared memories together about our Aunt and who she was in our life and in this world, a closeness and intimacy still existed between us all. The seven-layer Mexican dip is always a staple, as is story/sharing time. It's cheesy and sometimes forced these days, but also familiar and comfortable.

Attending the memorial together and spending the weekend with my family unleashed a sense of grief that I wasn't even aware that I had. I told N on Saturday, after spending hours crying at the service (um, yes the service was hours long. That's just how my family roles), that I didn't even feel like it would be possible to return to work the next week. I just felt too sad and overwhelmed. I did return and that heaviness did begin to leave the following week, but it was a reminder to me that when you take time to grieve, it can be all consuming. And so I think that I hadn't really allowed myself the chance to grieve in the earlier weeks simply because it was too hard and because it was easier not to feel anything and not to remember. It took hearing stories, being with people who knew her and looking at pictures to remember all of the things that I loved about my Aunt. And to be reminded of all the pieces that made her who she was OTHER than just a Cancer patient/survivor/victim.

Family Photos

We took these in October and I am FINALLY posting them now! Maybe I should order some before she turns five, huh???? Thanks to Megan for her mad skillz!

The World Can Wait!

Chicago isn't exactly as cool as THE city that never sleeps, but it does feel like a pretty busy place! Yesterday was a welcome gift as our snow finally amounted to something so extreme that the city has actually shut down. Y is out of school, N is out of school, and I am off work. This is better than Christmas (seriously, since I had to work on that day)!

There is something kind of peaceful about knowing that you can't do anything.

We can't go to work, go visit with friends, go grocery shopping.

Nope

With all due respect to those who have been without power, I am loving this magical mid-week gift!

Six months later....

Yup. It's been six months since I last posted. Doh. I don't think busy can be an excuse when you go that long. Want some updates? Here goes:

Y did indeed turn 4, and then she went to school. She loves going to pre-school and we LOVE that she loves going. Getting out the door in the morning is hard enough, I can't imagine what it would be like if she didn't like the destination. She goes five days per week for six hours each day. It's a lot, I know. But they nap and snack and play and have "center time" and she loves it. Guess how many Ethiopian kids are in her class? Eight. And the majority of the other students are also from Africa, so it is just lovely.

When people ask if we like her school, I usually say this: when I go to pick her up from class, I love that I have to do a bit of searching for her in the room. The kids all wear uniforms and all but one of the 18 have brown skin. I L-O-V-E that I don't walk in and immediately see my child surrounded by white faces. I love that when she talks about wanting to look like the other girls, that it is usually a matter of which hair style they have (long braids, short braids, Afro) and not about the long flowing hair that she sees in other places (and wishes for).She will have many times in her future when we cannot control who she is around and how they respond to her. For now, we can control the school that she attends and we love where we have landed. Most importantly, she loves it also!

The update is this: She's happy, so we are happy!

She's 4!

Y woke up on Tuesday stretched her arms and proclaimed "I'm four. I'm bigger!" (and according to her Dr today, she has grown 2 inches since Jan! Still no poundage...)

Wow....is it really possible that we have a four year old? No longer a baby, or a toddler, but a real live preschooler! (Who is starting preschool in a mere two weeks! Still gotta get the 'ol Catholic School uniform...Aagh!) Let me repeat that; I am a parent to a preschooler! Sure, we always said that she was a preschooler last year, but let's be real, that was like, uber preschool. This is for real!

Leading up to her birthday, I have been feeling very nostalgic. Partly it's the "I missed XXX amount of time in your life and don't want to miss more" And that is certainly true. But I think I have also been trying to make sense of who she was before we knew her and who she is becoming, and wondering how the two connect. Has she always been this smart? Has she always loved candy? Has she always been this active? Has she always had a sense of humor? What parts of her have been influenced by her growing up environment, her transitions and now her arrival to what is now called "home?" Of course much of this will remain a mystery. But I think part of the adoption experience, both for the child and parents, is attempting to put the pieces together and meaning make. I've certainly been doing that lately.

I'm trying to put together the years of her life (YEARS!) that we all lived without knowing each other; and then the (YEARS!) that we lived while knowing each other, but not living together as a family. I'm thinking about how hard it must have been for her, even subconsciously so, to have changed caregivers a minimum of four times in her little life (not accounting for the change of workers within those homes). Or how scary it must have seemed when N told her he would come back for her, but then it took sooo long. What does she think about that? Does she think that people come and go, or does she realize that this time it is forever?

I guess only time will show how she processes all of these experiences and moments; how all of us process our memories. But I do know that the memories that we shared for her fourth birthday, or "her first birthday home" will be remembered by us for a long time. Friends, pinatas, cakes, cupcakes, bowling, injera, vbs....it doesn't get much better than that!

We love you sweet Y! Happiest of Happy Birthdays!

7 months Beteseb!

Want a life update from us? Here goes! We have been a family for seven months now, and I gotta say that it occasionally feels like it has been forever. Memories of the struggles of the early days are beginning to fade and a new sense of overall comfort pervades our household. Perhaps it has something to do with a much less stressful job on my part, and a summer vacation from school for N, but a rhythm finally seems to have arrived! Here are some updates:

Language: Of course I think Y is a freaking genius, but you would too! We are sometimes shocked at how well she is speaking! She made her first compound sentence last week and N and I both clapped at her accomplishment! Referring to her quesadilla, she said "I like it, but it is hot." While her English is going insane, our family continue to speak our own half private language which is a good mixture of Amharic and English and just plain made up words. (Like, what's the word for snowman in Amharic? For us, we combined the word for "ice" b/c snow doesn't exist, and added "person"). Voila! She is around fluent Amharic speakers at least once or twice a week, and certainly still understands fully. However, her speaking courage has gone down and that is a bit sad to see. :(

Health: On the outside, she has been so very healthy, we can't even believe it! Not even a sick day in all of her seven months! However, she hasn't gained ANY weight since being home. Not a kilo! We found out awhile ago (maybe Feb) that she had Giardia, and after some tests again in June, concluded that despite the meds, it persisted! Argh! Hopefully it is gone now and she will hit 30lbs before my 30Th birthday on the 8Th! :) She just completed her third and final major dental work appointment. After starting the process for dental surgery in Jan, we were finally able to figure things out with insurance to do multiple outpatient appoinments. Her mouth now shines bring with seven caps and three fillings! She is obsessed with dental hygiene now that she knows what can happen if she isn't brushing, and loves to ask people if they have teeth problems and go to the dentist also!

Sleeping: This remains our greatest challenge, both for her sake as well as N and I. She is taking a nap in the afternoon now and is usually ok with falling asleep on her own once we have read a story or two. But the evening routine is another story. After reading books and singing songs, either N or I need to lie with her until she falls asleep. This can range from 30 mins to 2 hours, depending on the night. I think this has been a struggle for both N and I due to not being able to have free time together in the evening, or simultaneously talk to dinner guests, friends etc. What usually ends up happening on the long nights (perhaps twice per week) is that N or I just fall asleep in her room. Yes, sleeping is indeed our greatest and most life altering struggle and something that improves one week and is a challenge the next. But in the words of the world's greatest boy band NKOTB: we are "hangin tough!"

General: Our little one is off the wall cute! She is so full of life and loves to dance, sing and now has a vibrant imaginary arsenal of friends (Haile and Hanita, as they are known to her)! I think she is more and more comfortable with each passing day and loves to be with friends and run at the park. For me, motherhood love hasn't come easy. Don't get me wrong, I love my child...but loving my new role as a mother has taken some time. As I have written before, our first few months were so, so tough. On her, on me, on us! It felt like mommy-fail all day long and I didn't really know anyone in a similar adoption situation who could assure me that "this too shall pass." But you know what? It has passed! For the most part, multiple hour long tantrums have subsided and Y's affection is a bit more evenly distributed between N and I. Things are good. Our family is so far from perfect, but I am so thankful that we are so much farther along now than we were 7 months ago!