Six months later....

Yup. It's been six months since I last posted. Doh. I don't think busy can be an excuse when you go that long. Want some updates? Here goes:

Y did indeed turn 4, and then she went to school. She loves going to pre-school and we LOVE that she loves going. Getting out the door in the morning is hard enough, I can't imagine what it would be like if she didn't like the destination. She goes five days per week for six hours each day. It's a lot, I know. But they nap and snack and play and have "center time" and she loves it. Guess how many Ethiopian kids are in her class? Eight. And the majority of the other students are also from Africa, so it is just lovely.

When people ask if we like her school, I usually say this: when I go to pick her up from class, I love that I have to do a bit of searching for her in the room. The kids all wear uniforms and all but one of the 18 have brown skin. I L-O-V-E that I don't walk in and immediately see my child surrounded by white faces. I love that when she talks about wanting to look like the other girls, that it is usually a matter of which hair style they have (long braids, short braids, Afro) and not about the long flowing hair that she sees in other places (and wishes for).She will have many times in her future when we cannot control who she is around and how they respond to her. For now, we can control the school that she attends and we love where we have landed. Most importantly, she loves it also!

The update is this: She's happy, so we are happy!

She's 4!

Y woke up on Tuesday stretched her arms and proclaimed "I'm four. I'm bigger!" (and according to her Dr today, she has grown 2 inches since Jan! Still no poundage...)

Wow....is it really possible that we have a four year old? No longer a baby, or a toddler, but a real live preschooler! (Who is starting preschool in a mere two weeks! Still gotta get the 'ol Catholic School uniform...Aagh!) Let me repeat that; I am a parent to a preschooler! Sure, we always said that she was a preschooler last year, but let's be real, that was like, uber preschool. This is for real!

Leading up to her birthday, I have been feeling very nostalgic. Partly it's the "I missed XXX amount of time in your life and don't want to miss more" And that is certainly true. But I think I have also been trying to make sense of who she was before we knew her and who she is becoming, and wondering how the two connect. Has she always been this smart? Has she always loved candy? Has she always been this active? Has she always had a sense of humor? What parts of her have been influenced by her growing up environment, her transitions and now her arrival to what is now called "home?" Of course much of this will remain a mystery. But I think part of the adoption experience, both for the child and parents, is attempting to put the pieces together and meaning make. I've certainly been doing that lately.

I'm trying to put together the years of her life (YEARS!) that we all lived without knowing each other; and then the (YEARS!) that we lived while knowing each other, but not living together as a family. I'm thinking about how hard it must have been for her, even subconsciously so, to have changed caregivers a minimum of four times in her little life (not accounting for the change of workers within those homes). Or how scary it must have seemed when N told her he would come back for her, but then it took sooo long. What does she think about that? Does she think that people come and go, or does she realize that this time it is forever?

I guess only time will show how she processes all of these experiences and moments; how all of us process our memories. But I do know that the memories that we shared for her fourth birthday, or "her first birthday home" will be remembered by us for a long time. Friends, pinatas, cakes, cupcakes, bowling, injera, vbs....it doesn't get much better than that!

We love you sweet Y! Happiest of Happy Birthdays!

7 months Beteseb!

Want a life update from us? Here goes! We have been a family for seven months now, and I gotta say that it occasionally feels like it has been forever. Memories of the struggles of the early days are beginning to fade and a new sense of overall comfort pervades our household. Perhaps it has something to do with a much less stressful job on my part, and a summer vacation from school for N, but a rhythm finally seems to have arrived! Here are some updates:

Language: Of course I think Y is a freaking genius, but you would too! We are sometimes shocked at how well she is speaking! She made her first compound sentence last week and N and I both clapped at her accomplishment! Referring to her quesadilla, she said "I like it, but it is hot." While her English is going insane, our family continue to speak our own half private language which is a good mixture of Amharic and English and just plain made up words. (Like, what's the word for snowman in Amharic? For us, we combined the word for "ice" b/c snow doesn't exist, and added "person"). Voila! She is around fluent Amharic speakers at least once or twice a week, and certainly still understands fully. However, her speaking courage has gone down and that is a bit sad to see. :(

Health: On the outside, she has been so very healthy, we can't even believe it! Not even a sick day in all of her seven months! However, she hasn't gained ANY weight since being home. Not a kilo! We found out awhile ago (maybe Feb) that she had Giardia, and after some tests again in June, concluded that despite the meds, it persisted! Argh! Hopefully it is gone now and she will hit 30lbs before my 30Th birthday on the 8Th! :) She just completed her third and final major dental work appointment. After starting the process for dental surgery in Jan, we were finally able to figure things out with insurance to do multiple outpatient appoinments. Her mouth now shines bring with seven caps and three fillings! She is obsessed with dental hygiene now that she knows what can happen if she isn't brushing, and loves to ask people if they have teeth problems and go to the dentist also!

Sleeping: This remains our greatest challenge, both for her sake as well as N and I. She is taking a nap in the afternoon now and is usually ok with falling asleep on her own once we have read a story or two. But the evening routine is another story. After reading books and singing songs, either N or I need to lie with her until she falls asleep. This can range from 30 mins to 2 hours, depending on the night. I think this has been a struggle for both N and I due to not being able to have free time together in the evening, or simultaneously talk to dinner guests, friends etc. What usually ends up happening on the long nights (perhaps twice per week) is that N or I just fall asleep in her room. Yes, sleeping is indeed our greatest and most life altering struggle and something that improves one week and is a challenge the next. But in the words of the world's greatest boy band NKOTB: we are "hangin tough!"

General: Our little one is off the wall cute! She is so full of life and loves to dance, sing and now has a vibrant imaginary arsenal of friends (Haile and Hanita, as they are known to her)! I think she is more and more comfortable with each passing day and loves to be with friends and run at the park. For me, motherhood love hasn't come easy. Don't get me wrong, I love my child...but loving my new role as a mother has taken some time. As I have written before, our first few months were so, so tough. On her, on me, on us! It felt like mommy-fail all day long and I didn't really know anyone in a similar adoption situation who could assure me that "this too shall pass." But you know what? It has passed! For the most part, multiple hour long tantrums have subsided and Y's affection is a bit more evenly distributed between N and I. Things are good. Our family is so far from perfect, but I am so thankful that we are so much farther along now than we were 7 months ago!

Our little patriot?

We have our own little "wavin flag" going on over here. Y is obsessed with what is now the World Cup theme song, and has written her own lyrics including such epic lines as "when I get older, I will drink bunna (coffee)." When she saw this Canadian flag at her Great Grandparents house, she seized it and has insisted on running around waving in for days, to the pride of her Canadian relatives. Don't be jealous that we have such a super cute kid! Seriously!

Cuteness Abounds in Chicago!

Head over here to see it!

'Round here

(My pictures don't match the post, but here is a description! 1. I went to Prague to visit a wonderful friend and had an amazing time! 2. Y has spent lots of time with extended family lately and loves it! 3. Hark! We have a 2nd family photo! Y wants to make sure you understand that she is almost 4 years old...I think that is why she is holding up her fingers! :)


Remember all of those changes I talked about? Wow! They are feeling pretty big right now! After 7 pretty amazing years of working with refugee children and families, I left my job last Friday (check this out). It was sad and heartbreaking, but also time for a new challenge. For me, change is tough and leaving my job also felt like leaving my community and leaving work that has not only been fulfilling, but a true joy to participate in. And for better or for worse, so much of my identity over the last few years has been built on the work that I do. It is easy to idealize everything now and say that all of my years at WR were blissful; they weren't and I know that. But it sure is hard to let go of something as unique and truly meaningful as refugee resettlement and my colleagues are truly wonderful and amazing people.

Leaving one job means finding another! I am so thankful "in this economy" (to use the overly annoying phrase) to have had some options! Thankfully social workers are in demand (too bad the pay doesn't follow!) and I was able to choose something that works well with family life. Here it is....drum roll please....I am totally changing fields from international human rights work to providing counseling services to mothers who are making an adoption plan for their child. Yup, I know. It's totally different. Call it counter transference, but I was truly curious when I saw the opportunity and am really looking forward to diving into this field (for awhile......). Given my experience with adoption, I think I just have a real passion for making sure that birth mothers have options that are ethical and plans that are presented in a compassionate manner and thorough way. I really enjoy counseling and am excited to continue to do this with a new population. The agency I am working with does domestic adoptions (and international home studies) with women mostly from the Chicago area. I'm only on week one, but I am finding the training to be intense and stretching.


A change for me means a change for Y since she was going to preschool at WR. We are really lucky to have a wonderful (Ethiopian!) babysitter who will be watching her for the next few weeks as well as some of July until Nathan finishes school. She will hang out with N most of the summer and then start a preschool/daycare in late August. She seems to be happy, so that of course makes us happy!

What else can I say? The sun is shining and summer weather just makes life better! Here's hoping I get back into an exercise routine with this lovely weather. Here's hoping this is my last stream of conscious blog post. Here's hoping you report back to me on how YOUR life is going! :)

Change is in the air!

It feels like Spring in Chicago today! Sunny, and the breeze is blowing! A nice day to think about all that is going on! So many changes on the horizon: I have a new job (more info to come soon) Y is getting taller (finally) and has a new school (yikes!!!!), N is about to finish another school year and be home for the summer, and things are just generally good! I know that I haven't blogged in forever, and what's a blog without pictures? I promise to post very soon telling more about what is going on, including my new job (did I mention already that I have one??) and some fun summer plans!

I think I MIGHT be getting back into the blogging world? The jury is still out! :)